i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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