Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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