I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize