I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
