so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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