where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The air was thick with penises
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
