my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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