you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
