He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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