Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
