i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
