what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize