Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize