Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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