My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Bring me that man meat
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
