Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You are a genius and a whore.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
