i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
