a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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