My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
there's paper in my vomit.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize