and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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