Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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