i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
