I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
