five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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