I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
