I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
