Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
