Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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