I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
