I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
