he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
