I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
