A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
