hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
