Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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