I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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