Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
