My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
being pregnant is like rehab
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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