She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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