I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
