With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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