dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
