bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
