apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
