Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
