I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
