someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
