This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
