It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
