does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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