So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
