I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
