I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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