Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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