Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
