I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
