If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
