Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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