omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
