Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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