We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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