I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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