Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
