the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
