I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
