At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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