The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
