He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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