so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
if only i could text you this smell
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
