she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He shit in the fireplace
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
