you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
