I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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