How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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