Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
