Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
