Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
