I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
