you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
