so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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