She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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