You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
