My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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