Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
