His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
