i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
