We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
